Contact Jeannette York, LMFT for premarital counseling. (818.200.9513) Topics included are money, parenting, traditions, religion, sex, families, finances, Facebook, and other topics that the couple determines are important.
The word Co-Dependent gets thrown around quite a bit these days. Often we hear about parents and Adult children in co-dependent relationships. The definition of co-dependence is excessive emotional dependence on another person. The part of the word that is “Co” is that the excessive dependence goes both ways but shows itself in different forms but really two sides of the same coin.
For example, a husband is dictated to by his wife. She demands to know where he is going at all times and where he is at all times. The wife controls the husbands where bouts and controls the money in the relationship. Sounds sad for the husband, right? The Co dependency comes in when the husband begins to ask the wife when and if he can go certain places or he “sneaks out” like a little boy. This couple has entered into a relationship in which the husband on some level is dependent on the wife to manage his life and the wife is emotionally dependent on the husband to behave like a son (child) and not a grown man. In healthy adult relationships, adults do not tell adults what to do.
There are families that for whatever reason are unkind to new people. It may be a culture of suspicion or jealousy. Its also that its possible that the family considers itself a closed system and “outsiders” are not welcome.
Most people want to introduce a new important person to their family. It cannot be shocking and embarrassing when a parent or sibling behaves rudely or ignores the introduction. The first course of action is to apologize to your sweetheart. Do not act like the behavior is acceptable or not happening. The next step is to leave. The new person in your life should subjected to your family’s rudeness.
When you are alone with your family members, ask them gently what was behind their behavior? Explain that you are hurt by it and want to understand. If it continues, tell your family that you will no longer bring new people in your life around for them to meet.
If possible, family counseling would be very beneficial to help you and your family understand the unspoken dynamic around “outsiders”.
Recently I have had several clients who express confusion when someone they have dated simply” disappears.” They are no longer calling, emailing or in contact in anyway. Sometimes in worst case scenarios the person has blocked them from their Facebook and other social media accounts. The utter confusion is that this is done without a conversation or hint that things are not going well.
I have found that it seems to happen more to women than to men. The first thought is to check and see if something happened such as an accident or family emergency. When it proves that that is not the case, then the pain and confusion sets in. The best course of action if you are ever ghosted by a past sweetheart is to make one phone call. Not a text and not an email. Call this person and express your concern and wish to have a conversation about what has happened. If the person does not return your call, then do not call again. Assume that you have been in a relationship with a coward who cannot handle looking you in your eyes and explaining what is happening in their heart and mind. If you continue to try and contact them, most likely they will distance further. If you are able to wait and be patient there is a high likely hood that they will contact you eventually.