Category Archives: Deceit

Communication, Couple's Counseling, Deceit, Gaslight, Marriage, Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage, Living Together, Family Therapy, Personal Emotional Triggers, Relationships

Forgiveness In Relationships

My favorite quote on forgiveness , “Mistakes are always forgivable if

they are admitted”.  ( Bruce Lee).  When you find yourself in the

position   of apologizing to you partner, remember to acknowledge

what you

are apologizing for.  Never say, ” I am sorry you got hurt”, or ” I know

you are sensitive”.  Those are neither sincere or believable.  Be direct

and say, ” I am sorry that I forgot to pick you up for work and you

stood out in the rain, that must have been miserable”.  It doesn’t

matter whether your actions were accidental.  The important

piece is that your partner got hurt.

 

Communication, Couple's Counseling, Deceit, Deepen Your Relationship, Emotional Abuse, Engagement, Facebook, Families, Family Help, Forgiveness, Gaslight, Gaslighting, Living together, Marriage, Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage, Living Together, Family Therapy, Personal Emotional Triggers, Psychological Abuse, Relationships, SEX, Wedding, Weddings, When Partner's Cheat

Premarital Counseling

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Contact Jeannette York, LMFT for premarital counseling. (818.200.9513) Topics included are money, parenting, traditions, religion, sex, families, finances, Facebook,  and other topics that the couple determines are important.

Communication, Couple's Counseling, Deceit, Deepen Your Relationship, Emotional Abuse, Engagement, Facebook, Families, Family Help, Family Therapy, Gaslight, Gaslighting, Living together, Marriage, Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage, Living Together, Family Therapy, Psychological Abuse, Relationships, Wedding, Weddings, When Partner's Cheat

The Gaslight Partner

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The term “gaslight effect” comes from the a 1944 film starring Ingrid Bergman. In the film, Bergman’s character is made to feel that she is going crazy by her husband. He does this by creating situations in which Bergman begins to doubt her own ability to recognize what is real and what is not.

Today the term refers to psychological and emotional abuse inflicted on one partner by another partner. If you are in a relationship in which you feel that you constantly need to prove yourself or your feelings are invalidated then it may be that you are being gaslighted. Gaslighted can be hard to pinpoint because the attacker is hiding behind a mask of good will or “being right”.  Some traits to look for in this type of unhealthy relationship are a partner who often says to you that you are “too sensitive”, right after he insults you or calls you a name or puts you down in front of others.  Other traits are when you know something is right and the person you are with insist that you are wrong, causing you to doubt yourself and your own truth.

Eventually this type of relationship will cause the victim to experience a loss of joy in life. They become so focused on making their partner see that they really are smart, caring, good people or whatever traits are being attacked that their ability to enjoy life vanishes.

There are some tools to help the partner who makes the decision that they want to stay in the relationship. It is not easy and requires the ability to learn to speak up for oneself in healthy ways and to not engage in trying to win an argument. Gaslighters have more experience and skill at “winning” than their victims.

*Learn to “agree to disagree” even if you gaslighter partner wants to continue the argument.

* Learn to  practice not responding to every insult or veiled criticism that your gaslighter partner says to you.

*Let your partner know what your boundaries are, and when they cross the line. A good time to have a discussion about boundaries is before an argument.

* Guard against constantly seeking your partner’s approval or begging them for reassurance. Sometimes they will not approve. Practice the emotional muscle it takes to not constantly seek approval.